oh to be in the shadow of His wing…
but for many, this time is few and far between. for many, we are in the valley of the shadow of death more often. i guess i had never really experienced this in my life to date. but i am finding peaks on either sides and the shadows are causing me to stumble like a drunkard.
and for the first time in my life i am beginning to understand how much i need grace. you see, it is so easy to do things in the protection of God’s wing. and it is no struggle for us to remain strong when He is supporting us…but much of life isnt like that. i guess i never realized how gracious God has been to me. things were always so easy(in many areas). but i can promise you that these last few months have been hell. i have walked through the valley of the shadow of death. no, i havent been struggling physically or mentally or with no money or no clothes or no food. i havent been wandering homeless and unable to sleep for the hunger and the cold. and yes there have been many pressures on me at this moment that all seemed to converge at once, but they were nothing new that i havent been able to handle before.
for me, the reason i have been in the valley is from the emotional strain of broken relationships. i never realized how much of a jerk i am. but also how emotionally draining broken relationships can be. and i dont even have nearly the kind of episodes that i know many people deal with for their whole life.
i guess i have been blessed, truly, by having such a supportive and loving family growing up. and as a result, i took that for granted. i never realized that many people have horrendous lives. i am learning to empathize with others who also have struggled for years just to make ends meet because of some relationship problem.
for others, there may be many things that break them down, but for me it has been emotionally straining relationships. i thought i was tough and truly, i didnt cry often growing up. but i find myself more and more just crying at random times from the pain. and for sure when i was growing up i never knew what it meant to cry from pain. i cried a few times, but only from anger. now i cry primarily from pain. and it is tough. i realize what a wretch i am. i realize what need i have of grace. and i realize how little grace i show to others.
i dont typically share my emotional status on the blog, but i hope that my journey in the shadowlands will help yall as God brings clarity in my life.
may He be a light to your path and a lamp to your feet.
Filed under: Christianity, Personal, Religion | Tagged: depression, grace
We all should be grateful!!
Perhaps the valley of the shadow of death is the night-twin of the shadow of the Almighty, a shadow which protects from the scorching midday sun. Before me is Jesus Christ who Himself experienced both shadows, the one to lead Him (yes, even Him) to obedience by the things He suffered, the other to solace Him in suffering. Is it not in times of great pain that I have opportunity to learn to abandon myself to the only One who truly is my life? “I have been crucified with Christ, nevertheless I live, yet not I, but the life I live, I live by the faith of the Son of God who loved me and gave Himself for me.” I see not only the shadow of pain but also the shadow which protects me from the burning noonday sun. Both shadows are for my holiness and wholeness to render me useful and usable in this world to my Father’s glory.
I hear you clearly on this my brother.
We are seeing the world and ourself through the eyes of Christ. I often think these moments of tears are the gift of prophesy being excersized within us.
That is why someday we will be given a new earth and access to the tree of life.
You are truly a man of compassion.
thanks for the comments all around…
good point about the shadows sometimes being the same but from flip angles.
also, joshua thanks for the compliment, but i have a long way to go. however, i am definitely in dire need of learning compassion. without such, we can never truly love our neighbor as ourselves.
peter
I read verses like Ephesians 6 and am reminded of images like those in the movie “300,” with the Greek phalanx. Too often we read Ephesians 6 and think that we are fighting this battle alone with God. But we do so beside our brothers and sisters in arms. Our shield protects their flank as theirs protects ours. We must work in concert, in harmony, as we lower shields to stab the enemy, as we advance on the ground already won for us. In supportive relationship through the love of Christ, we are impenetrable.
If I were Satan, the first thing I would want to do is disrupt that relational harmony. It is not numbers, nor skill with weapons, nor our INDIVIDUAL dependence on God, but all of those plus the covenantal relationships we have in the body of Christ that allow us to survive the waves of attackers and fiery arrows.
Relational pain is common because relational harmony is the evil one’s biggest weakness (short of God Himself). Know that as you experience this pain, it is because you are a threat in this war. You are on the front lines, swinging sword and thrusting spear. Lean on your brothers and sisters in arms as you rest in the shadow of His wings. For even though the enemy casts a shadow of death over this life, we are all in this fight together. And we fight on the side of victory and glory.
i have been the merciless servant who was extended full grace by my master, yet i chokingly demand what i perceive i’m owed by others. life is full of opportunity for us to grow. fragile realtionships and broken ones. we are responsible only for our individual words, actions, and attitudes…fortunately no one elses. as God’s deals so gently with us, i know he can help you forgive where you have been wronged and love where you hurt.
I’ve been wondering where you’ve been. Our family has been through a horrible season with things coming from every angle. I can relate, to a degree, to your post. It’s hard to walk through a time like this and remember, “Perfect love casts out all fear. I understand that He loves me perfectly and I trust in Him, therefore I am not afraid. I understand that He wants me to be holy as He is holy, I can control that so I will do my best to concern myself with every response, every thought, every action and let tomorrow worry about itself. I am so blessed that I am covered in His righteousness, mine is as filthy rags. I am grateful for that.” It’s easier to say, the doing is the part that takes more effort than I think I am capable of sometimes. *sigh*
One thought I’d like to pass along is that grace means unmerited favor. When we read about His grace toward us we need to understand that it’s His favor toward us, a favor that we have not earned nor do we deserve. Unmerited favor. Do not forget mercy. Mercy is when we do not get what we deserve. You said that you realize how you can be a jerk and how pained you’re finding yourself from that. Mercy is when we don’t suffer the full consequences for our actions – “the wages of sin is death”. Finding mercy and grace in human relationships is often rare, espically when they are close relationships and hard things are happening. Yet that’s where it is the sweetest when it comes, so sweet it brings you to tears.
To receive mercy we must give it. To receive grace we must give it. And if we give all we are able yet do not find it being returned, we need to continue to give it. It’s a sacrifice of love, a sacrifice which wears His Name rightly. “They will know that you are my students by your love.” We’re all responsible for our individual reactions and responses, I cannot make you show grace and mercy to me and you cannot make me do the same. All I can do is my part and leave the rest in His hands. Sometimes that darned free-will thing is so irritating! “Why can’t everyone be as wise as me?” Oh yeah, grace and mercy…
Oh to live in the shadow of His wings, gathered like when a hen gathers her chicks. What safety there is there, what comfort, what protection and nurturing. Why do we ever stray from that place?
I’ll keep you and your family in prayer. I love the image that Brad painted above, the battle scene.
brad, anna, and ancient paths,
thanks for the feedback and encouragement. yall definitely have been beneficial to me as i read your words. may we stand with each other, may we learn grace and mercy, and may we love one another radically. i need that above all. i need to love. oh that He may teach me this.
shalom
peter